For those who are new to Inky Awkto, I, like many others, have issues that were rooted from my early stages of development. (I’m going to therapy for it) Therefore, I find it hard to interact with people and to be connected with my emotions. Yes, I’m a grown adult and spent most of my life telling myself I can not feel anger when my friends offend me in some way, or I can not feel anger when my parents do something I disagree with because I was told that emotions only causes trouble. I couldn’t feel sad either. It was another troublesome emotion that would only hinder my family by making them concerned for me for “no” reason. That’s why when my friends were sad over something, I couldn’t really relate but I would use reassuring words(I picked up from books, tv or watching others) in attempt to get them to feel better. The only emotion I was allowed to display was contentment, joy, or excitement. Heck, half the time I couldn’t understand why I was annoyed at someone for the words they were saying. I couldn’t comprehend that they were rude, all I knew is that they bothered me. I’ve been insulted in my face before and had to take it as is because I couldn’t recognize it at all.
Having a personal reflective series on Inky Awkto is a good way to document my development and my journey in life. How did I feel at that time of year, how did I think, how did I act, and how did I convey things; these are all questions I had in my mind when I started being more open and personal on my blog. It’s also a great way to keep track of my adventures, where did I go and what did I see, which is why I appreciate my travel series so much.
Others have questioned how I’m able to be open with my thoughts online. And well, I found it hard at first to speak my mind. I had a few posts where I outright said that most of my friends are not there for me in times of distress because that’s truly how I feel and how I felt at the time and honestly that’s fine. I needed to take a look as to why that is, and change some things up in terms of my own mental state, which I will agree was toxic at the time.
So, I don’t blame them for not being there. And they’re not obligated to be there for me. I also shouldn’t expect them to. But it’s posts like that can hurt someone even if my intentions were not to hurt, but to delve into some reflective writing. But a good question would be to ask; Why do they feel hurt? And what emotions are they truly feeling? Are they feeling guilty? Ashamed? Upset? Angered?
I’m all for reflective writing and documenting thoughts and your own story. There is just one thing to make note of.
And that is, there is a difference between reflective writing and passive aggressively writing a public note or post towards an individual. Hopefully, this is obviously. We all seen those tweets, facebook status, where someone posts something aggressively for attention, but doesn’t bother opening up when they are asked about it.
True story though, I’ve casually stumbled on to friend’s social media account only to see them passive aggressively “reflecting” over actions others have done to them and blah blah blah. You get the idea. It is wrong to do that? It’s a toss up. I won’t say anything on the matter. Did it hurt to read about it? Won’t lie, yes, but unless they come to me with their words and concern, it’s egotist to think they are directed at me. Life’s too busy to worry about what people are dishing out on social media.
Finally, no one should be worried or concerned about how their reflective writing would be used against them. Whether you want to publicize it is up to you. There are always other solutions to keeping a reflective piece to yourself. Password protecting a post, getting a physical journal, or a journalling app are all decent solutions, but as everyone should know nothing online is safe. Even if you remove something off of the web, there’s always cases in which people can still have records of what you have written. That’s always something I keep in mind when I decide to share my reflective writing. Questions are “What emotions does this piece give off? Is it offensive? Do I believe in this? Do I truly feel like this? What’s the motive for sharing? Is it for passive aggressiveness or to let someone else know they’re not alone?”
That’s all my thoughts on what reflective writing is to me, and how it differs from passive aggressive writing. I’m not perfect though, I might end up posting some passive aggressive posts and if that happens, feel free to let me know and I’ll re-evaluate the intentions of it. No one lets to read something passive aggressive, it’s not fun.