Fuyu Moments #17 – An update

Hey all!

This is a quick update on what’s going on with life right now. Haha you might have noticed that I didn’t bother writing up a monthly wrap up for November. This is because I had 3 major projects due the early weeks of December. Once that was over, I didn’t feel like making a wrap up. Plus the only book I read was Fling, and that isn’t a novel I would talk about anyways. I am currently reading The Circle right now which is going pretty well. In a sense this could be a wrap up, but I’ll be more sharing my thoughts and events through last month.

Also I’ve been so late on my current library books that I swear they’re laughing to the bank right now. I owe them so many fees. D: Why must other people be waiting on the books I have checked out? D: Bah!

Thoughts of this month:

“Pass judgement on yourself not on others,”

This is a good one because I had many people talking to me about other people. Judging them and basically being pretty toxic towards a perfectly decent human being and it’s starkly contrast from what I knew them as. Not only that, but I had other people judge me for my hobbies and habits. They felt like they needed to label me as something, or remove a label because they didn’t think I belonged to the label. I don’t see why that’s a thing that needs any concern for.

A good example is my gaming habits. It’s clear I play games. Do I call myself a gamer? No, but others consider me as one. Well great. Great for them. However, once they realize how slow I get through solo games or games they consider more “hardcore”, they get all judgmental on me and feel the need to revoke my label as a gamer. They do it in such a way that they shame me for who I am. That’s completely uncool at all. They can do whatever they want, but the instant that they try to force me to feel a certain way about myself, that’s where I draw the line.

My hobbies and habits are of my own. I don’t deserved to be judged or shamed for them. It took me a very long time to get over these judgments and when I finally stopped caring for what they thought of me. It felt better. I felt relieved and less constrained with myself.

“I’m an emotional punching bag now?”

The story behind these thoughts is basically something I have always noticed. I blogged about this in the past, but for some reason I noticed it more last month with people around me. Working a retail also opened up my eyes to this. When people have a bad day, or in a bad mood they tend to impose their negativity on the person they are talking to. I’ve encountered a few grumpy customers that thought it was my fault for all their misfortunes at work. Since it’s me, I usually just bounce their negativity off with my bubble of cheerful energy, but sometimes when that bubble is weakened their negativity can affect me. And I hate it. I hate how I have to feel bad because someone else had a bad day. I guess, thanks for the donation of negativity?

Now, what about friends? As friends it’s alright to sometimes slip and lash out and it’s fine or so I say. Is it really fine? Is it really fine to be a complete jerk to a friend because you’re in a bad mood? It’s grey area. Friends are not emotional punching bags. But no one is perfect and it happens. As long as both are understanding and the person apologizes for lashing out than it’s all good. No, I’m not saying I need an apology because I don’t. And I don’t expect one. Usually when this happens I reflect more on myself and make sure that I don’t lash out on others like that person has on me. It doesn’t feel nice and I don’t wanna unleash that type of emotion on a friend.

But I usually understand where my friends’ emotions came from; sometimes it’s just nice to hear it from them. To have them explain to me what happened that caused the lash out. Basically I desire more of a deeper connection with my friends.

I lashed out a few times last month with one of my best friends. And I apologized for it soon after. After I calmed down and realized what happened. They were understanding and together we became closer for it.

Those are the few thoughts I had for last month. Hmm they sound a bit passive aggressive, but they were more general thoughts I had that month based on the situations I experienced. I had a few other ones where I had high expectations for myself and when those were met, I had to deal with the frustration and disappointment that came afterwards. So that was pretty enlightening in terms of myself. Either than that, I feel like November was a decent month.

What do you guys think? Have you guys had similar thoughts to mine? Or maybe you disagree with my thoughts. I would love to hear what you think about them.


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